Dreamland

Humbled. Relaxed. Appreciative. Serene. Life-changed.

I woke up to another typical hazy humid June morning and instead of blasting my AC higher, I took it all in. It's my last day in Manila; the Philippines; dreamland. This is the longest stay I've had in this country since I was 9-years-old.

In the 12 days I've been here, the experiences I've had have brought me down to earth. June 11 I found myself 5-hours north-west of Manila in Alaminos City, Pangasinan. It was a different stay for me because I have been to my dad's province so many times, that I feel like it's another home. Tita Elena, who I am extremely grateful for, was awaiting our arrival and was able to show us the accomplishments of the Alexander Begonia Foundation in the town. Due to the medical mission, it was unfortunate that we could not be present for the openings of the playgrounds in the schools there. I was able to see my uncle's new hotel and my old friends, who I was able to help out a bit. It's hard to see people close to your age not able to go to college because of the need to work to support the family. I told my friend Ruby to come to my house after work and so she visited with her sister. I didn't know she had to bring her entire family - cousins, mother, etc- all because they were afraid of being in the house alone in the evening. Also, the tricycle that brought them over had to wait around because it would be difficult for them to find another mode of transportation at that time. Before they left, I gave them enough money to cover the tricycle fare, wait time, and gave them the rest of our merienda pizza we had bought for her family, as well as other trinkets and clothing. It's the least I can do for a friend.

The country-side of Pangasinan is so immaculately beautiful. The blending of the rice terraces, mountainside, and glow of the sky with sunrise and sunset was breathtaking. Though the people do not have much monetarily, they have nature's priceless beauty.

Being a New Yorker and wired to be independent, fast-paced, and stressed, I was quite a bit culture-shocked during the beginning of the medical mission. Like most provinces in the Philippines, Sariaya, Quezon rarely had running water in facilities where we held the mission. I knew about manually flushing toilet bowls with tabos*, washing hands without soap, and low-pressure showers without heat...but, knowing about is certainly different than living it day-to-day. I remember taking tabo-baths and not having any of what I've listed, but that was when I was 9-years-old. I remember the first times having to do any of this, I was extremely irked and grossed-out. Fortunately, I did bring my own supply of paper towels, toilet paper, antibacterial wipes, purell, and liquid soap; it made each day a little bit better while living in those conditions.

So many things I saw really made me feel lucky for what I have. There was a baby with severe hydrocephalus - the baby's extremities were extremely small and his head was so large from the fluid build-up. The mother did not know what to do or how to care for her baby. The surgery for a V-P shunt* is way beyond what the mother could afford. These people cannot afford prescription medications, so what more with surgery. Apparently, the same child also had a congenital heart defect. There was another child with Down syndrome who was barely able to speak. That really touched my heart. Being closely related to someone with Down's syndrome, I felt so helpless. This child had no resources. The government doesn't sponsor any special needs programs, any medical programs, or anything to support it's people. I felt that they relied on medical missions and outside support too much.

Knowing that certain people in the government are corrupt, I still ask why. Why can't funds that are being pocketed by officials trickle down to local governments to sponsor local programs to benefit the people. The gap between rich and poor is so blatant. Filipinos are typically a close-knit community of people, so why is there barely any support? There are so many factors that come into play here, but the mere idea is so infuriating. I wonder why this country is so behind sometimes, and it's because of corruption. Such corruption in a religious country; I guess the religion is what holds it's poor people together. There are so many anomalies.

I know I went completely into a different topic, but it's part of the thought process that I've been having here. When I'm home in New York and stressed to the max, I barely have time to think outside the box. Life in New York becomes routine; eat, sleep, work, eat, sleep, work, and be too tired for anything. . .



To be continued....








Next time, I would like to spend a month or more. . .

loves the serene aftermath of thunderstorms....

chaos. chaos. chaos. my life has felt like this the past few days with work, family activities, and more work. twelve hours pass by quickly but can be very tiring, especially catering to people who are used to getting things on a silver (ahem, platinum) platter day in and day out. by the time you're out of work and have time to spend with loved ones, you feel drained and a bit short on personality; like there's nothing more to give. your body just craves some empty calories and a soft mattress to rest on, preferably your own. forget the mega-millions! empty, errand free days are a winning lotto ticket, though a pina colada on a white sandy beach on the equator would do wonders.

my reprive came this morning in the form of my backyard. interesting how relaxation can come in different forms. lightning storms are beautiful, but i really abhor thunder, especially on days spent alone. the aftermath, however, is to me, unmatched. i walked outside to my backyard and saw how peaceful it was. i took it in in deep breaths and probably appeared as if i was in a complete mindless daze. the moisture of the air soothing my skin, the smell of fresh air cleaning my lungs, the healthy green grass and plants soothing my eyes....it just felt amazing. overcast, warm, moist, quiet...soothing to my soul. no patients freaking out, no codes, no running around, no alarms, no driving to and from stores, no allergies, just nature and me. love it...

Learning

"I don't know how you're always calm and collected, always in control..." -frazzled family member of a 1-month-LOS patient.

I learned a few things about myself today at work- I learned that I work better/efficiently when calm and relaxed. My patients see the difference and use the call-bell less. Two families and patients realized this and complimented me on it today; not to mention these families are difficult to deal with, as one of them is thinking of suing the hospital. Usually, the call bell is going off all the time for these families, but I tried to anticipate their needs and quell it asap.

I notice if you make an effort to know your patients, the days get better and they tend to work with you more. Being social helps. Laughing, making jokes helps, too. Depends on the patient, but the effort should be made.

I also brought in a book for a patient from my bookshelf at home...her case really touched my heart and she really grew to like me as her nurse and would request to see me sometimes if I wasn't her nurse. I gave her the book i read enroute to the Philippines February 2009- "Eat, Pray, Love." She was really grateful and the look on her face was priceless.. she showed me the picture of her 4 month old son Michael and I told her to hang on and to read.. then left for the night.

I can't imagine sitting in a room- all white walls, day in and day out, makes you go crazy..

I also transferred a patient to CCU because he went into rapid Afib. HR 220s. Adenosine x2, amio, adenosine x2 given and he converted back to afib low 100s. I made sure to xfer him out right away and give report, unlike last time when I should have given report a long time ago and my patient went back into vtach.
Acting calm and collected in this "code-like" situation helped too. Just thinking about what u need and communication are key.

BSN RN :D

So, it has been quite a while since I've posted and I definitely have good reasons for this.

Feb 8- my grandma, who was in the Philippines at the time, passed away suddenly

Feb 12- I took the NCLEX in 2 hours with 75 questions. I left the test feeling good about it. Later that day, I immediately booked my flight to the Philippines...

Feb 13- Hopped on a plane solo to the Philippines to meet the rest of my family (they all flew there a couple of days before me--I had to stay because of the board) and say my final goodbyes to my grandma. It was a long 18 hour flight (well 2 flights--16 hours to Hong Kong and 2 to Manila, Philippines)

Feb 14- 10PM Philippine time/10 AM EST (US) I landed in Manila and as soon as I got on a computer, I found out I passed and was an official Registered Nurse!

I spent a week in the Philippines for my grandma's funeral, humanitarian work (my family has a foundation to support local children/schools with feeding programs and scholarships), and also enjoyed the gorgeous islands/beaches.

Feb 21 I came back to the US and was definitely in for a temperature shock! I went from being in 90 degree, humid as anything weather, to 25-30 degree temps. Definitely not a pleasant surprise.

I got over jetlag after a couple of days and saw some friends and did some errands. Lately I've been cleaning my room out because I haven't really had enough time or patience to just sort things out/throw old and unnecessary things away. Also, I think it will be easier later on (prob May/June) when I move out to an apartment in the city.

On that note, I am happy to say I had some job offers before the board and I chose where I did my summer internship. I will be on a telemetry/vascular unit and I start Monday, March 9!

I just had a TDAP vaccine (apparently the most recent tetanus shot avail) and handed in all my paperwork today. My final interview with a unit manager (it had to be post-board--they wouldn't hire without a license) was this past Friday and so I was in HR and Employee Health all day getting processed.

It feels so great to finally have achieved the RN license and just be able to relax from all the pressures of actually attaining the degree and license. Of course, the journey isn't over. It just seems that the basic academic part* has ended and a new chapter of my life is beginning...

* not to say that working on the floor won't be as much as "academic" as college and the nursing program

Stressed out

This studying business is getting super old. I can't wait to take it already! I caught myself in a depressed state earlier because
a.) it's freezing cold outside
b.) i'm always home or indoors somewhere studying
c.) no change in routine
d.) studying all the time (I feel guilty if I don't)

Tomorrow night, one of my nursing friends agreed to go out to a bar to just chill out. The exam is next week and I'm feelin pretty good about it. I finished all the Kaplan questions on the online QBank and just doin the incorrect ones and answering other questions from different books/ERI website. For the most part, I just gotta review the drugs a bit more....

I've also decided to BAN myself from facebook as it is inundated with negativism and other new grads freaking out about the exam. I can't deal with the negativity anymore; I'm being as trying to be as positive as possible... Falling apart and stressing out just isn't doin it for me anymore.



Enough babbling...back to drinkin some wine and relaxin.

Just sweet...

Just as a treat and a break for myself, I went with my friend to the nail salon for a mani/pedi. The last time I went was like 6 months ago! (In nursing school, they'd chastise us if we had our nails done and plus, I barely had time for it.) It was really relaxing and I'm glad I just took some time off to get pampered. When I was leaving the salon, the owners asked how I was doing and such (I've known them since I was in grade school) and they asked what I graduated as. When they heard I became a nurse, the customer sitting in front of the owner was just so pleased! She was glad I was going into the city to work because hospitals around here aren't as great anymore. She also told me "Don't allow yourself to be eaten alive by the older nurses...they need to learn to accomodate you and you need to learn...I'm just so happy to see younger people going into the profession. It always warms my heart. Best of luck and God bless you..." I thought that was so sweet. It made me feel really great about the profession--she made it seem more like a calling than just "work" (as a few jaded people in nursing see it these days, unfortunately).

I figured I wouldn't get any studying done immediately after as I had just taken a 3 hour/180 question Kaplan NCLEX Readyness Test this morning. This time, I was able to sit there without fidgeting or getting bleary eyed for the entire 3 hours. Mind you, the NCLEX is a max of 6 hours, but at least I can sit for 3 so far. I still have to work my way up. I've been practicing questions everyday since I started Kaplan last week and my endurance has definitely gone up. The price you pay is still a rip-off, but I just wanted the extra confidence boost that I knew the course would offer me. The test is a month away (Feb 19) but I'm still a tad nervous! I think it's because of all that passing can do for me--I can finally work in a hospital as a nurse (can't work as a GN without a license here), I won't have to pay a ridiculous amount every month for insurance (cause I'm on Cobra right now since I graduated), and I can just stop stressing out about this test and do things without worrying about studying. (I.E.: I go to a movie or out for dinner with some people and I stilll have the test on the back of my mind.) It's been driving me insane! My fiance knows and unfortunately, I took out some of the stress on him earlier this week. But, he gets why I'm so crazed. I did find out that working out more often definitely helps me cope with stress

Boards Drama

Soooo today, after the Kaplan class, a couple of people from my school showed up at the center to take the diagnostic test. I found out from them that they received their ATT (Authorization To Test) from the State this morning at like 9 AM. When I heard that, I was so eager to just go home and check my email, but I first had lunch with some of my nursing girls then sped home and checked...

of course there was NOTHING about ATT in my inbox...and that really threw me off!


I immediately sent text messages to friends asking if they had gotten their ATTs and some had and some hadn't. I just found it odd because I had sent in my paperwork last month, well in advance in order to be on top of things.

I called Pearson Vue (the test people) asking if they got anything from the state board, but they didn't, so the lady was kind enough to give me NYS Board's number and extension. I called NYS Board and the lady almost made my heart stop beating. She said that she only had received my college's verification that I graduated from the nursing program, but not the payment or application. So, I explained how I mailed it in last month with a certified receipt and this information made her check again. Fortunately, she found it and explained that they had mixed up my files and separated them, so she put me on hold while she combined the files. Then, she told me she would email the Pearson people so that I had an ATT in 24-48 hours.

All I can say is, WHEWWWW. THANK GOD I CLEARED THAT UP!

I sent in my paperwork a month ago, hoping to be ahead and have my stuff processed fast, but that totally did not happen!

I'm already stressed with studying for this board and to have someone say they have none of your payment/application (which was notarized and has a picture of me for ID purposes) would just not help things...

Anyway, back to studying...